Succubus Dreams CHAPTER 17

The next day was only a partial shift at work for me, but when I saw how busy things were, I suspected I'd have a hard time dragging myself away. Seth wasn't working in the caf? ¦, but I found a note on my desk. He'd apparently already been there earlier. Thetis – Have some errands to run, but I'd like to see you later. I miss you and don't like how we left things. Come on over later when you get the chance. I'll be home all night. Love, Seth I had some things of my own to take care of, and after reading his note, I suddenly wanted them done as soon as possible so that I could go see him. As I was about to leave, Maddie caught a hold of me and covertly led me into the history books. To my astonishment, she pushed down her shirt collar, baring her shoulder. â€Å"Whoa,† I joked. â€Å"Don't you think things are moving kind of fast?† â€Å"Look,† she whispered, pointing at the lacy bra strap that had been revealed. â€Å"It's red.† â€Å"That it is,† I agreed, still a little puzzled. â€Å"It's number one.† â€Å"What?† â€Å"My three adventurous things. I bought a red bra.† I stared in astonishment. â€Å"I thought†¦I thought you said my idea was ridiculous?† She averted her eyes. â€Å"I thought it was†¦but then, well†¦I heard about Seth. What happened to him. You were there, right?† My favorite topic. â€Å"Yeah, I was there.† â€Å"Didn't it freak you out? I mean†¦right there in front of you: life and death.† â€Å"Yeah. Kind of.† Shaking her head, she looked back up at me. â€Å"Hearing what happened to him just kind of shook me up. I told you it wasn't that easy to be adventurous, but suddenly I decided that maybe it was. I just had to take control.† I smiled. â€Å"With a red bra.† She flushed. â€Å"Hey! All your lingerie may be red and edible, but this is the first bra I've ever bought that isn't white or black.† I reined in my humor and gave her a genuinely pleased smile. â€Å"I'm proud of you, Maddie. I really am.† â€Å"Don't patronize me,† she warned. â€Å"I'm not. It looks great. You get matching underwear?† Now she really looked embarrassed. â€Å"A thong.† I repressed the urge to whistle. â€Å"Nice work, soldier.† She wandered off, back to the registers. Moments later, I felt an immortal signature and a touch on my shoulder. Spinning around, I found Tawny's enormous chest practically shoved into my face. I'd heard little from the succubus since I'd called to tell her she had a job at Simon's. Niphon's presence at the poker game had been the only indication that she still hadn't bagged a guy. â€Å"Georgina – † she wailed, lower lip trembling. â€Å"No, no,† I interrupted. I grabbed her arm and dragged her toward my office. â€Å"Not here.† I managed to close the door just before she burst into tears. I groaned. â€Å"Now what's happened?† â€Å"I met a guy last night.† She flounced into my chair, and it was a wonder her breasts didn't hit her in the face. I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms over my own chest in a sort of protective gesture. â€Å"Okay†¦that's not a bad thing.† She swallowed a sob, and it was all I could do not to clean up the mascara smudges on her face. Honestly, how much did that woman wear? â€Å"We had a great time†¦had drinks and talked and all that.† â€Å"That's not a bad thing either.† She shook her head. â€Å"But at the end of the night, he told me he just wanted to be friends.† â€Å"He – wait. You got the friends line from someone you just met?† Tawny nodded. â€Å"What did you say to him? Like†¦did you proposition him?† â€Å"Yeah†¦I asked him if he wanted to meet me in the bathroom and try out this edible mint chocolate warming gel I have.† â€Å"You – what?† Tawny reached into her purse and started to pull out a tube of something. I waved her off. â€Å"No, no. I don't need to see it.† â€Å"What went wrong?† she cried. â€Å"Well†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I wasn't sure if I should laugh or weep. Tawny was never going to pull this off. Never. â€Å"You might have come on too strong. And honestly†¦that gel thing? That's just weird.† â€Å"I thought guys were into that kind of thing.† â€Å"Some are†¦but, I don't know. What kind of guy is he? What's he do for a living?† â€Å"He's a cashier.† â€Å"Hmm. Okay. That's not too bad.† â€Å"Over at Blessed Images.† â€Å"Over at – you propositioned a guy who works at a religious supply store?† I exclaimed. â€Å"I wanted a good one,† she told me. â€Å"There's no better place.† â€Å"Oh my God. Tawny†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I didn't even know where to start. There were so many nuances to seduction, so many tactics and strategies. She didn't know any of them, and seriously, I didn't even know if she could learn. â€Å"I got you the strip club job†¦why are you trolling religious supply stores? Guys should just be coming up to you after your sets.† Something troubling occurred to me. â€Å"You do still have the job, don't you?† I believed Simon would stick to his word, but one never knew for sure with his type. â€Å"Yeah†¦Ã¢â‚¬  she mumbled. â€Å"But those guys aren't – â€Å" â€Å"For the last time! Forget the good ones. You can't afford to be choosy.† I studied her. She was clearly low on energy again. Frowning, I recalled my date with Liam. â€Å"So†¦Tawny†¦things really didn't work out with Nick the auctioneer?† She took a tissue from the box on my desk and blew her nose loudly. â€Å"Nope. I told you. I called, and he said he wasn't interested.† I was good at reading people, very good. It was, well, what made me a star succubus. And looking into those teary blue eyes, I searched for some sign of deceit. Any sign. I found nothing. So who was lying? Tawny or Liam? And why would either one of them lie? Liam had no reason to – not about Tawny. Tawny, I supposed, could be in league with Niphon. Maybe he wanted to prolong things simply to annoy me. That was a dangerous game for both of them. His animosity couldn't be strong enough to risk pissing off Jerome. And I knew Jerome would be pissed off if he found out Tawny's orientation was being used for ulterior motives. There was also the fact that Tawny's energy had shown no post-sex glamour the day after Liam saw her and Nick together. She hadn't gotten any. That was my only hard evidence in all of this. All of these thoughts flitted through my mind in a heartbeat. If Tawny really was pulling a poker face on me, she'd soon learn that she wasn't the only one who could do it. Keeping my expression exasperated and unsuspecting, I said, â€Å"Tawny†¦I†¦I just don't get this. Any of this.† â€Å"That's it?† she asked. â€Å"You're my mentor, and that's all you've got for me?† â€Å"I got you the job! I don't know what else to do. Maybe we can go out together and†¦God help me†¦do a three-some or something.† I could imagine few things more horrible than that, but these were desperate times. The expression on Tawny's face showed similar sentiments. â€Å"I don't know about that,† she said. â€Å"I don't think I really do that.† I rolled my eyes. â€Å"In another century or so, you'll find you do everything.† She blew her nose again. â€Å"Well†¦I want to keep trying on my own before anything like that. Until then†¦do you think†¦do you think you could†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Could what?† â€Å"You know.† â€Å"No, I really don't.† From her, a request could be anything. Tawny gulped. â€Å"The kissing thing again.† â€Å"No! I told you that was a one-time deal.† â€Å"But†¦but†¦I'm so low†¦Ã¢â‚¬  She burst into tears again. And yeah, she was low on energy. Really low. By tomorrow morning, she could be in danger of losing her shape again. Fuck. This wasn't possible. I had to be getting played here, but why and how? Was all this hassle worth it to Niphon, just to keep irritating me? Fuck. â€Å"This is the last time,† I growled. She stopped mid-sob. â€Å"Really?† I sighed. â€Å"Come here.† With a sense of dread, I kissed her again. My discomfort had less to do with the act of kissing her than it did with me realizing I'd just pushed myself into dangerous energy limits. I was the one who'd need a fix before morning now. And if I got an energy fix, it was likely my dream stalker would return†¦. With the influx of life, Tawny was able to shape-shift away her disheveled appearance. â€Å"Thanks, Georgina! You're the best!† She started to hug me, and I jerked away. â€Å"Just go out and get laid, okay?† Doug stuck his head in just then, asking for my help. He didn't seem to have heard my charge to battle, thankfully. His eyes widened when he saw Tawny. I shooed her out, warning her not to forget what we'd talked about. â€Å"Is she single?† he asked, watching her walk away. Her pleather pants were riding up. â€Å"Yeah,† I said. â€Å"Very. But she's high maintenance.† After I finished my survey of the bookstore, I went off to take care of assorted errands. When I finally made it to Seth's place, I found him lying lengthwise on his couch, laptop open as usual. He sat up and closed it when I stepped inside. â€Å"Hey, Thetis,† he said. â€Å"Hey,† I said. I sat down beside him, and silence fell as we regarded each other. The air between us wasn't angry, but it wasn't bursting with love either. It was speculative. We were sizing each other up. He reached into the V-neck collar of my sweater, and I flinched. Then, I felt his fingers brush by the chain I'd been wearing his ring on. He pulled the ring out and ran his fingertips over the dolphin. â€Å"Around your neck, huh? What is this, high school?† â€Å"Might as well be,† I said, â€Å"seeing as how we haven't even made it to second base yet.† He smiled and released the ring, moving his fingers up to my cheek. â€Å"Yes, we have.† He sighed. â€Å"We sure do seem to be fighting a lot lately, huh?† â€Å"Yeah.† I settled back into the couch's softness. â€Å"It's not even about sex anymore.† â€Å"I noticed that. It's boring stuff, actually.† â€Å"Boring?† He shrugged. â€Å"You know. Typical relationship stuff. Spending time with each other. Trust. Communication. Love isn't always about grand forces of the universe keeping us apart.† Unless, I thought, you considered the difference in length between a mortal life and an immortal one. I didn't know why Seth's lifespan was bothering me lately. I'd understood the complications on an intellectual level when we'd first started dating, but I hadn't really had such visceral reactions until recently. Him getting shot hadn't helped, I supposed. And speaking of which†¦ â€Å"I never thanked you,† I told him. â€Å"For what?† â€Å"For risking your life for mine.† â€Å"But you can't di – â€Å" â€Å"Yeah, yeah. We've already established that, like, a hundred times. And the wisdom – or lack thereof – of your actions aside, it was sweet and brave and†¦and, well, thank you.† Seth moved his hand over mine and squeezed it. â€Å"There's nothing to thank me for.† I stood up. â€Å"Well, now that we've got the sentimental stuff out of the way, let's get down to business. Take off your clothes.† Seth started. â€Å"Wai – what?† â€Å"Well,† I amended, â€Å"except for your boxers.† â€Å"Are we going to second base after all?† â€Å"Just do it.† While he stripped, I gathered some things from his kitchen, as well as from a tote bag I'd brought. When I returned to the living room, he was sitting in the center of the couch in boxers only. They were soft gray flannel. Adorable. I sat down on the floor in front of him, moving a bowl of warm water beside me. After dipping a washcloth into the water, I slowly began rubbing it over his feet. Seth was quiet for several moments. Then: â€Å"You getting Biblical on me? Didn't somebody wash Jesus' feet?† I rewet the cloth and began moving up one of his legs. â€Å"Don't worry,† I told him. â€Å"I don't expect you to turn this water into wine. At least not until I'm done.† I moved the washcloth over Seth's calf. It was leanly muscled, covered in tawny brown hair. â€Å"The foot washing tradition is bigger than the Bible. You find it everywhere, long before New Testament times, in lots of other cultures. Kings. Generals. They all got this treatment.† â€Å"You wash a lot of kings' and generals' feet?† he teased. â€Å"Yeah, actually.† â€Å"Oh. Well. I don't think I'm really in that league.† I smiled and moved on to the other calf. â€Å"Not true. Poets and bards used to have as much prestige as kings. Lots of them got this too.† â€Å"I miss the good old days. Now we're lucky if we get paid.† I washed his thigh, careful to avoid the bandaged wound. â€Å"Yeah, true. But people also don't threaten to behead you if they don't like what you wrote.† â€Å"You obviously haven't read some of my reviews.† â€Å"I only read the good ones.† I finished both legs and dropped the washcloth into the water. I scooted the bowl away. Seth started to get up, but I shooed him back down. â€Å"Nope. Not finished.† I reached for a bottle of massage oil I'd brought and poured some on my hands. It smelled like almonds. â€Å"That was just to get you clean.† With as much deliberation as I'd performed the washing, I massaged the oil into his skin, starting with his feet once again. Washing can be sensual, but rubbing someone with oil is doubly so. Triple, even. The light banter faded between us. Seth simply watched, wonder and arousal on his face as I worked my way up. And as I met his gaze, I saw more than just those feelings. The love in his eyes was so powerful, I needed to look away. Seth had an amazing grasp of the English language, but there were days when that skill was nothing compared to what he told me in his looks. When I finished his legs, I climbed up behind him on the couch and worked on his back and chest too. I'd been giving massages almost as long as I'd been dancing. I knew exactly what to do, knew where all the muscle groups were and how to unkink them. Seth had a lot of stiffness and knots in his back, either from bad laptop posture or stress. Maybe both. At last, the job was complete. Heedless of oil on me or the couch, he leaned back and pulled me to his chest. My cheek rested on his smooth, slick skin, and the scent of almond and Seth enveloped me. â€Å"Ah, Georgina,† he sighed. â€Å"I wish I could return that.† â€Å"I'll just pretend you did.† He sighed again. â€Å"I hate the pretending.† â€Å"Yeah.† â€Å"I mean it. Really hate it.† The vehemence in his voice startled me. I lifted my head up. â€Å"You okay?† â€Å"Yeah†¦I'm just†¦I don't know.† He shook his head. â€Å"Frustrated, I guess.† â€Å"Sexually frustrated?† â€Å"Sure†¦but it's more than that. Do you ever think about us†¦just, you know, doing it maybe once?† â€Å"No,† I said immediately. â€Å"Absolutely not.† â€Å"I'd take the risk.† â€Å"The shooting addled your brain. You've always been the strong one, remember?† â€Å"The shooting's made me think about what life means, that's all.† He sounded just like Maddie. How could such a foolish gesture on his part be inspiring so many people? Was I too jaded? Could I no longer relate to humans? â€Å"And I mean, I can't even reciprocate a simple massage. You perform all the time for me†¦but what do you get? You must be the one who's sexually frustrated. The stuff you do on the side†¦well, that doesn't matter. Sometimes I think Hugh was right. You do suffer more than me.† â€Å"No, I don't. The sex stuff bugs me, but I can handle it.† â€Å"I hope I can,† said Seth. â€Å"When I was in the hospital, I had this weird moment where I started thinking about how I write about all these action-packed things but don't live any of it. O'Neill has dozens of great romances, but me? I can't even have one.† â€Å"It sucks,† I agreed. â€Å"But with the risks†¦well. We know this is how it has to be.† â€Å"What about the rest?† â€Å"Hmm?† Seth shifted slightly so that he could look into my face. â€Å"Do you really think about me dying? Do you worry about me?† â€Å"Sometimes.† â€Å"Am I going to cause you pain in the end?† â€Å"No,† I said breezily. â€Å"Of course not.† He pulled me back to his chest. â€Å"I love you, Georgina. You give me more joy than I ever expected to find in this life. I want to be with you†¦Ã¢â‚¬  He ran a hand through my hair, tangling it in his fingers. â€Å"But not if it's going to do more harm than good. I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to spend the rest of my life worrying about my body and my soul. I don't want you to cry when I'm gone.† A lump formed in my throat, and I thought I might actually start crying then and there. There was something in his voice, a strange and ominous note that scared me for reasons I couldn't entirely explain. I dug my fingers into his skin and pressed myself closer to him. â€Å"No more,† I whispered. â€Å"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It isn't relevant.† Seth tightened his grip on me and didn't respond. We went to bed after that, speaking little. He snuggled against me, resting his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, taking in his scent and his feel. As he slipped into sleep, I thought about what he'd said about what puts meaning into life. I thought about wanting and needing. And what I needed right then was energy. Tawny'd wiped me out, and there was no way I was going to start shifting back to the body I'd been born with. Still touching Seth's hair, I thought how easy it would be to just lean down and kiss him. Really kiss him. And kiss him and kiss him†¦ Wanting and needing. Regretfully, I slipped out of bed. Seth was a heavy sleeper and simply rolled to his side, never coming close to waking. With a wistful look, I left the condo and used my last bit of energy to put on a different shape. Finding a victim wasn't hard – further reinforcing how absurd the whole Tawny thing was – and in less than two hours, I was back in bed with Seth and recharged. That creepy voice didn't speak to me, for which I was grateful. Sad but sated, I fell asleep. And I dreamed.